Across Dreams
CHAPTER 1 — CHILDHOOD
I remember a dream, should I call it a nightmare? obviously, it wasn’t my first dream, but the first dream that I remember. It was a horrible one, I was just 4 years old, I was in my school classroom, all alone, the teacher closed the main door and left for the day, without noticing that I was in my classroom while she left, she could have just peeked into all the classrooms before she closed the main door, but she didn’t.
I walked towards the main door, shouted, banged it, but none of those mattered as the school was quite away from the crowd. Unfortunately, it was a time when security guards were unnecessary for a kindergarten after the school is closed. I came back to my classroom, I sat on a backbench, I didn’t empty my afternoon lunchbox that day, so I was lucky to have dinner. While I was reading what’s written on the blackboard, things went darker, the lights got dimmer, the desks in front of me were vanishing one by one, and a scary image appears out of nowhere on the blackboard, giving me an evil grim, it started to gravitate me towards it as if the whole world lost its gravity and took its side. I still remember the details as it is a scar that still exists in me still.
I held my bench tighter as if my life depends on it, obviously it did at this moment. The image was still there when all my front benches vanished, I was slowly pulled towards it. In an inch near to its face, I woke up in my bedroom, relaxed, relieved that I am now safe at home, but only to realize that I was paralyzed, my voice box was paralyzed as well. Somehow I tried to make a muffled scream, but It felt like I lost my voice for life. When all these were already scarring a 4-year-old kid’s life, there stood a dark figure in the corner of my room, that’s when I burst into a scream, waking my parents, and neighbors.
I wondered what was all these experiences, why would a child want to experience all these? after so many years, it’s the one dream that I couldn’t forget or that I couldn’t understand.
CHAPTER 2 — IN MY TEENS
Having a lot of dreams, I don’t remember any of them much as they were all kind of cliché, following my girlfriend, talk to her or see her from far, kiss on her cheek or she does the kissing part in some dreams. All those beautiful identical dreams. But with a slightly different plot on each one of those dreams, as if someone wrote a dream screenplay for me for every night. Every single one of those dreams gave me a good day after waking up in the morning. Waking up to see her again.
One day, or should I call it, one fine night? The same plot of meeting someone in my dream was going on, but it looks like the director was a bit of a horror fan this time. He pulled me out from the currently running dream and threw me into my room, I haven’t opened my eyes yet. But, I can sense that I am in my room, but I couldn’t feel my bed, pillow, or my blanket. But, I was feeling light as air, felt as if I was floating in my room. I am still hesitant to open my eyes due to my childhood episode. The fear surrounded me, I somehow gathered some courage that I am currently an adult, so I am ready to face anything, even if that evil grimmer comes in front of me, I can punch on its face.
With gained teenage courage, I slowly started to open my eyes, I couldn’t understand what is in front of me at the beginning, it was blur and fast-moving, I tried to calm down and observed it again, tried to see what is that blurry fast-moving thing in front of my eyes. I couldn’t believe my eyes that I am seeing my bedroom ceiling fan just a few inches away. For a moment, I thought the fan is falling on my face, but it still didn’t, while it should have hit my face already. I now clearly saw the fan is still intact to the ceiling. I slowly turned my face backward to see myself lying in the bed. I woke up immediately with a burst of scream with all of that teenage courage gone.
It took me 3 whole nights to get a good night’s sleep, Until then the 17-year-old kid was in the arms of his mom like a 4-year-old child.
CHAPTER 3 — POSSIBLE DOORS
Raised in a religious family, praying and singing Hymns to the unseen Gods daily in the morning without missing a single day along with studies in science. I wondered every single day, what if Gods were just astronauts from another alien planet. When they reached Earth, the possibility that they might have helped humans to kickstart the civilization with their teachings of science and tech which are unknown to us even now.
These were the days I opened and entered all the possible doors of all the multiverse in the whole existence while I was still haunted by two of the most significant non-meaningful dreams, trying to find their meaning. I wasn’t entirely sure if I have to agree with Freud’s view, that all dreams are forms of “wish fulfillment”, while I still couldn’t understand what kind of wish the 4-year-old boy had with the blackboard evil grimmer to fulfill.
I then explored Jung’s view that dreams need not be interpreted to perform their function, he suggested that dreams are just doing their work integrating our conscious and unconscious lives. I didn’t even understand what he meant back then. I questioned myself whether I am living two lives, one that is my waking life and another while sleeping?
One that even said, I had an out-of-body experience, although it felt real, I was still doubtful about accepting this kind of idea. I duly noted in my notebook that “This can also be a possibility, but yet to explore more about it”.
While reaching all the doors, opening and seeing through them, none of them gave me the confidence to explore by entering into the room. The search still continued.
CHAPTER 4 — MEETING DEAD PEOPLE
It was a new college year, acquired a new privilege. The privilege of being a senior is to see the junior girls joining the college while being lifeless with seeing the same classmates' faces again one million times.
Somehow acquainted with a couple of girls, in a just few days, we were all so close that even if I don’t meet my classmates, we used to gather and chat a lot about random things, missing classes along the cherry blossoms. Typical college kids. Exchanged our numbers, no time for anything else except chat and talk. In a week, we were all so close that we exchanged a lot of personal matters. It was all good until the day when there were no Sakura’s on the tree or the road, the day when those two lovely people lost their lives in an accident. The one didn’t leave the other’s hand even at that moment.
The first death experience, the experience of losing loved ones, when the pain was still haunting me daily against the question of life’s existence and the purpose of death. I opened my classroom door and stepped outside to meet those two young ladies again, happily laughing and walking towards me in the same college corridor, but only that they did not recognize me at all, as if they have never known me or never even met me. I ran behind them and stood in front with blush and happiness that they are alive and alright, but they instead looked at me like a rogue. Again, the usual, I woke up wondering what did I just experience and why it’s always me who gets these confusing dreams.
CHAPTER 5 — EVIL GRIMMER — PART 2
By this time, I accepted the spiritual principles who talk about past lives, the afterlife, souls, karma, and quantum mechanics which gave infinite possible universes for each decision that we take in our life on each step, the forking of paths into multiple universes. The idea that consciousness can exist across universes. The idea that the universes continue to exist with those other decisions that I didn’t take. The universe where the rogue didn’t meet those two ladies. But instead, I took the front seat controls of a man from the other universe because of the excitement of seeing them alive, hijacking the body of an innocent myself from another universe.
I crossed my legs to half lotus pose, closed my eyes to meditate, I sensed that I am floating, only to the relief that I know I am meditating and that floating while meditation is possible to experience. But opening my eyes to see I was really floating, panicking, woke up in my bed. I was all asleep all these times. I was a bit dizzy because of suddenly waking up due to panic. It was 4:02 AM when I checked the wall clock, but the clock was making some funny movements, I ignored it as I knew I was dizzy. I got out of my bed, went to the living room, greeted my dad who woke up so early today, sitting and watching TV silently with a cup of coffee. It is very rare that my dad and I wake up this early.
I walked past the kitchen, noticing a strange noise in the dark, entering in, I see the same evil grimmer laughing at me, but this time taking a form of an LPG cylinder, I realized that this might be an indication that there’s a gas leak, I tried to check if the knobs were closed correctly, but failed to understand the meaning once again, I shouted dad and woke up in my bed.
While, I am already haunted by the idea of dreams, nightmares, out of body experiences, here comes another couple more things “meditating inside a dream” and a “dream within a dream”. I added these items to my bucket list of later explorations.
CHAPTER 6 — PRECOGNITION
When the undergraduate exam madness was already driving me crazy, and with my dream and conscious exploration program getting crazier than ever, life’s becoming harder to comprehend. It’s more than what a 20-year-old young adult can take in his life.
After all the stress, having a deep sleep is really a boon. Suddenly woke up wide awake with an urge to get out of bed. The wall clock said 4:02 AM, continued to greet my dad who was watching TV in the living room with his cup of morning coffee. Suddenly remembered the evil grimmer dream which I had a day before while I was crossing by the kitchen, heard a very subtle hissing sound, I was awed that my ears can pick up a sound so subtle while my parent shouting near to my ears to pick up the ringing phones next to me while watching the TV program.
Entered the kitchen in dark, a usual reflex to switch on the lights, but common sense stopped the event of a burning house by a spark. I understood the meaning behind the evil grimmer taking the form of an LPG cylinder. Did follow the rest of the reflexes of checking the knobs to know that they are fine, but found that the leak is from the evil grimmer this time, I shouted dad and we both took the cylinder, kept the leaking cylinder outside.
After all the events, I wondered how a simple dream that I got just a day before, happened in my reality in an exact sequence and with the exact details that happened which ultimately saved my house from burning. These are called precognitive dreams.
I wonder how many experiences like this people might have all the time with no knowledge of it afterward or without the knowledge that it had any significance.
CHAPTER 7 — DOORS AND MIRRORS
The infinite door of the possible universe unfolds in front of my eyes. I opened the door, walked in, trying to recognize myself in the mirror in front of me, looked a little different than my normal appearance, A bit better, I would say. I had this feeling in the back of my head, the feeling that it is me, but I can sense a totally different personality here. Turning back to see the room that I came from, realized that it was not my room, the house looks totally different too. But again, a feeling that the room is mine.
I had this other personality forcing me to put me out of his mind with rage, the personality in the back of my head went mad looking at the mirror, took a chair, and threw at the mirror. The personality in the back of my head was confused in a rage with sadness that it doesn’t have much control over the situation. I somehow managed to suppress those thoughts. I just used my fingers to cut that specific cord to detach that personality from my brain. Yeah, I know it sounds weird.
I happened to open another door after all these, just after opening a door, there was a mirror in front of me again, as if I was in a loop or something. This time, it was a beautiful feeling, the feeling of bliss, a feeling of some kind of achievement. Again, I can see there’s another personality trying to hijack my true self. This personality looked really happy for some reason. I managed to see those cords running in front of me and cut them out again. I was filled with relief.
I heard a doorbell, I double-checked that I am not imagining things, the doorbell rang again. I went near the door, asked “Who’s this?”, but with no reply. I opened the door, went out to see a mirror again, but this time turned to the sides to see the infinite doors on both sides of the corridor. I imagined, what if I opened each one of those doors? will I find a different personality of myself? do I have to hijack another personality’s body again?
I imagined what if I could walk in the corridor of infinite doors silently, like an observer. Seeing those engravings on those doors, might not look like the language that I read in my reality, but I will have the ability to comprehend the meaning behind those. What if I find a door which said: “The evil grimmer, part — 1”. What if I opened the door to see my younger self sitting on the backbench and what if I become a voice in the back of his head, the personality of fear and the hopelessness riding in the front seat.
Would I wake up in my childhood bed, helpless, voice choked, body paralyzed, and see those shadow-being standing in the corner?
I have compiled my life experiences as a short story, with no extra additions, keeping the details intact, added words to make it readable. All the details are true with a journal that I have been maintaining for years.
I am still exploring the possibilities of different realms, what it’s like to be in a body of yourself but in a different universe with a different version of yourself. Exploring the possibilities to jump across the universe, if at all those things are possible.
That being said, I end this short story with my favorite quote by a wise man.
Not only is the Universe stranger than we think,
it is stranger than we can think.
- Werner Heisenberg
